Frustrations

Today when I explained to an acquaintance why I wasn't working or going to school, he said something that threw me for a loop. He said "oh, so you're basically on an extended vacation?" I didn't know what to say...

No, this isn't a vacation. I don't wish to be living like this. I want nothing more than to have my life back, to have my body stop betraying me, to be able to be a normal 26 year old again. This isn't fun for me. I have a disease that is incurable, unpredictable, and disabling. No its not something that you can see, but that doesn't mean that it isn't there. I have good days and bad days. But the fact is, I have barely left my room, much less the house in the past few months. When I do get out, more often than not, I need to go home before I want because I feel so bad. I don't like hearing friends telling me about all the fun things they're doing out in the world while all I can do is sit in bed sipping ginger ale to help my stomach and watching reruns of Bones on Hulu because there isn't anything else I can do. Its not a vacation when you are put through countless medical tests in an attempt to make you better, most of which being uncomfortable and unpleasant. Its not a vacation when on a good day your pain is at a 3, you only feel like you're going to pass out a few times, and you manage to stand for a whole grocery or restaurant trip before collapsing in bed to recover. I feel like the time in my life is flying by, while I'm stuck in place. I have been missing out on things and falling behind for two years. I want to catch up. I want to be working, I loved my job. I want to be in school, I really was doing well and enjoying my classes. I want to go out with my friends. I want to be me again. I want this to all stop. So no, this is not a vacation.