Unpleasantries

So all night I've been nibbling on salty snack foods like my doctor said to do. Then I took my nightly pills. About a half hour later I started throwing up. I proceeded throwing up a few times until I could keep my Zofran down long enough for it to work. Now this may sound like nothing much, but I loathe bodily fluids.  I would rather feel horrible longer and not throw up than to actually allow myself to lose it. For whatever reason, vomiting is probably one of my worst fears. People say you'll get used to it, but one, who would want to, and two, how the hell would you ever get used to it? They say morning sickness, chemo, the flu, even over drinking in college all help you. I'd avoid those things like the plague if I could. Well, this isn't one of my wittier or more pleasant blogs, but its whats on my mind. To those people out there with some reason why they have to throw up frequently, I am so very sorry. It sucks.

Update: It was the salt tablets that were making me sick. I stopped them and started feeling better in a few days. If you take salt tabs and get sick, talk to your doctor immediately, it can make you very dehydrated very fast which is bad for dysautonomia and low bp.

Crazy dreams thanks to my meds

Ok, so one of the side effects of my medication is that my dreams are very real and strange. I also tend to remember them much better. So today, to demonstrate this, I thought I would share one with you. It all started with choir practice with two of the girls I knew in high school. I was telling them about a new job I had just accepted in the middle of Antarctica. I was explaining how I get there through a wormhole that works like those in the Harry Potter movies. Then I met an alien, who looked like a human hot guy. Seeing as I was going to be doing a job in such a remote and unpopulated area, I decided to try to get this alien to impregnate me (yes the same way as humans do, not some strange sci fi way). It only made sense to go to work pregnant so I could help the population grow. So then I wormholed and the alien came with me. Fearing that the workers would deport him, I then went through elaborate attempts to hide my alien mate from everyone else. Two kind women helped me to escape with the alien through a van, but I'm not sure what sense that made since we ended up right back where we started in the first place. There was more to the dream, but I'm starting to forget it. you get the picture though.

Strange much?

Distractions

Ok, so I can't sleep. Not so surprising, considering that my new meds made me so tired that I slept all day. I just spent 2 hours googling what high salt foods I actually like, in an attempt to comply with my cardiologists' requests that I go on a high salt diet. My new meds have me craving salt, which helps. Plus, I have a strange craving for olives, how weird is that? So here I am in bed, mouth watering over the mere idea of salty foods, trying to keep my salt pill down, watching Grey's and sobbing over the usually Mere/McDreamy love issues. What is it about Grey's that makes you start sobbing 45 minutes into the show? Its just another thing that keeps me distracted from whats going on with my health and my life. This past summer, while I wasn't feeling well, I would paint my nails. Not just paint them, design them. Somewhere between choosing colors and matching the final product to my clothes later that day, I would not have to worry about how bad I felt. Bejeweled helped too, when I played, I would go into some kind of a game induced trance. Lately I've been playing World of Warcraft a lot. Its a nice mindless retreat for me into a world of make believe. One of the added benefits is that there are real people playing with me. I've become pretty lonely all day in the house with just my Mom and sister. WoW has given me friends outside my house, its given me an escape. Its finding what it is that can get you through, finding those things that can distract you from reality long enough to get you to the next step in recovery. With that, there is hope.

Why a blog?

Hi. I've never really done this, so I'm not sure where to start. I guess I am making a blog partially out of boredom and partially because I feel a need to record my life in some way. I'm not sure what it will turn into, but I feel a need to be doing something with my life, and right now my options are limited. I make no promises that I will be a good writer, or that any of this would even be worth reading, its more of a diary for myself to look back on in the future. I probably have some tough times ahead and I feel that by recording it, I can share some of the things I learn with others. And it will be good to look back and be proud of what I've been through. 


Someone said, “Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself... 'How did I get through all of that?'”  


That is my inspiration. I hope to look back years from now and wonder just that, "how did I get through all of that and what should I learn from it?"