Can't sleep...

Do you ever feel sometimes like you hate how you deal with things? Like things that stress you out? If its something big, I tend to shut down. I take a nap, do some mindless stuff, and wait until I am ready to deal with it before allowing myself to stress about it. That happened today. I went to the doctor and they looked at my initial two recordings. I guess I had been so focused on just getting results that I hadn't really thought through what the results would mean and if they even mattered. While its still too soon to know anything, we do know that there is something wrong with the electrical system in my heart. It doesn't seem to be anything potentially fatal like VF or long stops of the heart, but there is something they see that they think is causing me to be fainting. When the doctor was done talking about it (I glazed over pretty much on the medical speak), I asked about treatments. He paused for a minute and explained that we are already doing everything we need to be doing. If we keep seeing the same thing on the data coming in, we could try a pacing pace maker to keep my heartrate in sync with my BP short term, but that only has about a 50% chance of working and is more invasive than the loop recorder I had put in this week. When I asked what the next treatment would be if the pacing didn't work and he put his hands on his hips and said that he thinks we're at the end of the line. The only other options after that would be whatever Dr. Grubb could come up with for me. So I asked him what to do until then, he said we keep doing what we're doing, try to get as much data as possible, and just wait it out. I said, "so we're talking a wheelchair and helmet and fainting all the time?" He said we just need to wait for the data.
I know this may seem like I'm stressing over hypothetical situations, but I'm losing days, weeks, months, and years in my life that I will never get back. Since getting home this morning I pretty much was curled up in bed most of the day avoiding thinking about this. Once it got dark, I forced myself to go outside and water the plants so they don't die. I just got to bed and now the bomb has gone off. Now I'm feeling all this stress, this anger and frustration at once. Sometimes I wish I could just scream and let it all out, but thats never worked for me. I just want my life back. I know it will never be the same as it was. I know I will likely be in a wheelchair for a while. I know it won't be easy, but I'm so tired of watching my life pass me by.